Saturday, October 30, 2010



Go there. Tell me what you think!
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Friday, October 29, 2010


Okay, its literally been FOREVER. I know....... anyway life has been so incredibly busy I dont even know where to start. 
Firstly, I am soooo incredibly proud of my husband! He is getting promoted on Monday to Sergeant First Class! He is the first one in his company to make E7 IN 7 Years! He has been promoted every year since he has been in the army! He told me yesterday that he entered the Army as an E2 because he got an award before he even went to basic for running the fastest 2miler ever ran in the state of Oregon for the first PT test. I just cant believe how talented he is. I am so proud! It makes having to live this far away from home worth it. I get to pin his rank on him out at the range and shoot the 50cal! :) Yesssss. My Greatest Idea of all time: were drinking 7 in 7 to celebrate... hahaha

Anyways, As for music life. I have been playing music every Thursday at Club Xscape! 1940 Skibo Road 9pm! Its so wonderful to have a weekly paying gig! I will also be playing at the SpeakEasy Martini & Cigar bar on November 12th and December 3rd! Check back for updates on possible shows coming up in Raleigh! I just got my new website up so go check that out if you wanna :)

Photography has been going awesomeeee soon my new website will be live! For now check out the maternity shoot I did with a Beautiful girl named Valencia!

Halloween is going to be so much fun! We are going to be Mario and Peach! Matthew's birthday is on the 31st he will be 26 this year old man hahah not really. But I got him the truck part hes been wanting! A ton of new clothes and little things he wanted. He REALLY wanted a new BBQ grill but I am saving that for his Veterans day gift ;) since his truck part took an entire paycheck haha. Working is amazing....... I love it. I have met some amazing friends and people who I will be sad to leave. 

Lately I have been trying to keep myself busy 100% of the time. It helps with my grieving of lost family members. I am also in great shape compared to what I was when I didn't have a job! Being on my feet for 10 hrs a day running around the store has done me good ha! My new friends are the kind you know you'll have for years to come, but I feel sad because I have been so busy I haven't had the time to hang out with friends who I don't work with :(. I guess that's just life, people drift apart and I guess I  still don't really understand it completely. All my friends from College truly understand the statement "Too Busy For Friends" haha because we can go for months without talking and one day out of the blue get a phone call, text message, wall post on fb, or run into each other and pick up exactly where we left off. That is a beautiful thing. If only there were more time in a day.
 Thats my update for now. I have to fold ALL the laundry in the house, clean, take Koa for a run, pick up some last minute birthday things for Matthew at Walmart and go Halloween shopping for punkins and candy for the kids!

Everyone needs to have a SAFE and FUN Halloween! <3
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Monday, September 27, 2010

NObama. And you can keep the change.

 There are too many true things about this song.
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 Living in Hawaii :) spending the most time we possibly could at the beach with you. You taught me how to swim.

 You were the best at telling stories. Funny voices and all :) 

 Remember when I got stung by a Bee in the middle of my forehead haha! You called me simba. Look at those acid wash jeans. 

 Remember when you were teaching me how to ride this bike, you psyched me out and pretended like you were still holding on so I wouldnt be too scared. It worked! Until I realized you weren't standing behind me anymore and I wrecked :)

 Standing on the cliffs of Kiluea 

 Remember when I had my fever seizure? And aftewards I couldnt stop telling people about the "ambalanse" so you built me one for Car day at my school :)
 Remember how proud you were of us when we were chosen to model for the whole town in the Parker Ranch Fashion Show
 You painted my toenails for me :)

 Santa Came!! 

 When I first got my ukulele I taught you some chords 

 You ALWAYS hung out with us. Even when the adults were hanging out together you were always with the kids. Doing things with us and making us laugh. 

 Playing my ukulele. Age 7.
 This one is my favorite. I remember so many times we spent at Kawaihae harbor. This is where I learned to swim at sunrise. You told me, when I let go, Kick your feet as fast as you can. I promise I wont let you go under. Pretend like you are running from a scary monster :) It worked....
For the sake of old pictures. This one is one of my favorites.

Mom uploaded all these pictures and hundreds more so that me and Rhino could see them. 
Some people, live twice as long as you did and never make such an impact on so many lives as you did. There are many many good people in the world. But only a few Greats. You are one of them. You were only 18 years old when you and mom got together. From that point on you were a father. Young parents that kicked ass at raising us. 

Mom said this in a letter she wrote to you....... 

" As I scan in these pictures, I realize one thing. The kids, weren't ever as happy in life as they were when they were with you. All the memories, all the bonding, the learning stages of life, the foundation of a human, was built with you. I thank you for being there. I thank you for being papa chad, the kids dad."
Its true. I love you dad. 
Ps. Mushasho :)
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Sunday, September 26, 2010

My name is Earl

Has anyone seen the show "My name is Earl?" 
well its a show about a man that makes a list of people throughout his life that he feels he has done wrong to in some way shape or form. He goes through the list, hunting down those people and doing something nice for them and asking for forgiveness. I love that and I wish I could do it too. I guess I COULD but I would have to devote my life to it and that's not exactly possible ha. What I can do is make an effort, the next time I run into or get in contact with anyone whom I have done wrong, to apologize and make amends. I want to come out of this depression after loosing 3 loved ones in 6 months, having learned something. I want to come out of this a better person. There are people in the world, that probably say they "hate" me. We all have people who probably say they "hate" us. Hate is a strong word. But how many of those people who supposedly hate us, would cry a tear, even just one, or have one sad moment if they found out we were dead. I look at the world differently now. From an entirely different perspective. I dont want to hold petty grudges or live life with negative thoughts about other people running through my mind. Because chances are, if someone who used to be a friend, made me mad enough to hold a grudge against them, Chances are, the grudge is there because you expected more from that person. Chances are, you care about them as a person or simply a friend. And if they passed away tomorrow, you would probably have a sad moment that he/she left this world on bad terms with you. Those are my thoughts. 

I am by no means going to be perfect. As that is impossible. I still have a short temper and am a very passionate and opinionated person, however I am making a promise to myself, and to those I have lost, that I will be a better person. I want to make more positive then negative impacts on the world and on my friendships/relationships.
Basically, I have learned the value of friendship, the value of life, and I will no longer take that for granted anymore. Theres nothing better then to hear the words "I appreciate you" for no apparent reason someone in your life tells you these words and its an automatic smile breaker.  Its sad that our society is so fucked up that people say more mean things about others then they do nice things. I literally fear the words "its too late." I never. ever. want it to be "too late" again. 

The next time I start to feel resentment or anger towards someone enough to stop speaking to them, I am going to tell myself "If I was never going to see them again, if something were to happen to them, what would I want to say" Imagine if before someone passed you got the opportunity to have your last words with them. Wow...... where to start. But why does it have to be their last words for you to tell them how you feel? I dont believe it has to be that way. So I refuse to live my life like that. When I appreciate someone I intend to tell them :)

Today was kind of a mundane day for me. I went to work. It was slammed, my job is generally a happy place where we are always smiling and joking, modeling clothes for each other and such. Having fun is a must. It was a normal kind of day at work but I still feel like a giant rain cloud is over my head all the time. The minute I walked in the door when I got off, I burst into tears. 

Here I sit, looking at hundreds of pictures and memories of my time with my dad. Eating my favorite candy (Everlasting Gobstoppers) Ironically they aren't everlasting just like everything else on earth but they are still enjoyable while they last. Listening to the sound of the rain. It sounds like the inside of my heart feels. A million gallons of tears pouring down........

I miss you dad. I love you so much.

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Thursday, September 23, 2010

God grant me the strength.

I am enveloped in sadness. There are no words for the way I feel right now. At first I was in shock. I could not believe this had happened. My biggest fear of all, the only thing that is bigger then life, is death. I feel as though a piece of me is gone. Crumbled away into nothingness. Sucked into a black hole that I do not want to come out of. This is a feeling I have never before felt. Never in my life have I felt this kind of emptiness. Its like out of nowhere I am smiling and running through a field of daisies, basking in life itself and loving every moment that I have to live. And then BAM a hurricane strikes and everything is swept away. Everything needs to be regrown and rebuilt again. My heart hurts because I have lost a parent. Not my mom, or grandparents, or step dad who is the man I now call dad. But the man who raised me until I was 12 years old. Every single memory I have of living and growing up in Hawaii Involves him. He taught me how to tie my shoes, ride a bike, with and without training wheels, how to stir the spaghetti cooking on the stove, how to steer the big ole beater ford down country roads, how to comb my hair and brush my teeth. He took us fishing, he loved us like we were his own children. Even after he and my mom decided their relationship was not going to work out when I was seven years old. He remained in our lives. He was the father of our hearts and we were the children of his soul. I was daddy's little girl. I remember him letting me listen to his walkman that he later gave to me (I thought I was so cool) I would listen to nirvana and smashing pumpkins wearing my scrunchie and pink spandex with my backwards hat. There was this one song I always loved listening to, called Dream Weaver by Reo Speedwagon. Of course I didnt know the name of the song back then but I googled the lyrics years ago because I can still sing it in my head knowing every word. Chad was his name. We called him Papa when we were very young. He was with us from our first memories and first steps. As we got older we called him Dad. The bond we shared with him was like none other. He fathered us in a way that we loved and respected him. I always looked up to him, yet he would spend hours teaching us how to swim at sunrise on the beach. He would literally take us to the beach to watch the sunrise because he said "the best time to see the world, is when everyone else is sleeping." I remember it feeling like no one else was alive but us, like we had free reign of the beach and nothing in the world mattered. He was the only father figure we had ever known.

When I was 12, we moved away from Hawaii. There he was at the airport, trying to be strong for his children were moving thousands of miles away and he had no idea when he would see them again. I remember it like it was yesterday. We kept in touch over the phone, through cards and letters in the mail. We went back to Hawaii to visit him. But over time, as this happens with everyone who lives so far apart. We talked less and less..... I remember the last time I talked on the phone with him. It was very sad, almost as if It was too painful for us to talk or keep in touch. He kept saying, "I dont want to intrude" my mom remarried and we called our step dad "dad". Trying to fill the void and emptiness of the family that we once had, yet knowing it would never be the same. Then came adolescence, a time in life where you dont know what is important yet, you dont know or care who to keep in touch with or talk to. The world is cruel and hormones are happening. People are supposed to call you, you aren't supposed to call them stage in life. Our family moved around a few times and changed phone numbers during that stage in life. And somewhere along the line he did the same. He moved away from Hawaii and the last time I heard, he was living in Florida. 

I googled him over the past 4 years multiple uncountable times. I wanted him to know how much I missed him, that I wanted to see him again and my brother and I spoke of him often. He never came up, he never had a facebook or a myspace, he was just a man with a heart of gold living life. He was such a great person, loved by so many, and very well known around the island. He met someone, remarried, and moved to Maryland. The last time I really REALLY searched and searched for him was when Matthew proposed to me. I wanted him to be there. I didnt want to hurt my step dad's feelings because he has been a dad to me for the past 10 years that he has been married to my mom. I love him dearly, but I wanted Chad to be the one to walk me down the Isle. I would not be the person I am today if he hadn't raised me. I had no luck, I could not find him. I just wish I could talk to him one last time..... my only inner peace is that he now knows how I feel, how my brother and I feel. I had not seen him in so many years, but I know that we always had each other in our hearts. Over time I began to be upset that he didnt try to find me, but maybe he did...... questions that will never be answered. I was so happy to hear one of my aunties from back on the island tell me that he spoke of us and asked about us ALL the time. And that he would light up when talking about us.

I am so thankful to have had him in my life. I love you papa. Rest in Peace, I know you are shining down on us. Thank you for being the father we never had. 

Ironically, I just mentioned in my last blog, before I found out about this...... that I suck at loss. I never really knew how much I sucked at loss until now. This is what it feels like to loose a parent? Like life just sucker punches you in the stomach and you cant breathe. Like you just want to curl up in darkness because life isn't the same anymore. 

This is the third person in my family I have lost in the past 6 months. I have never experienced the loss of a family member until March of this year. Kawela Jacob Kaluna. Kawela means "the heat" in hawaiian. Uncle Jake, the same age as me, grandpa was a ladies man to say the least. I wrote a blog about this shortly after it happened. Shot and killed in Portland Oregon...... 21 years old. RIP Jakey love you so much, you are missed. The second, A very close family friend we all call TuTu, our sort of adopted family back in Oregon. The Kuamo'os are very loved and very much so family to us. Tutu means Grandma in Hawaiian. She passed away about two weeks ago of cancer. She was in her 80's, she lived a long happy life. She was a mother and grandmother to many of us. Rest in peace TuTu, I love you I know you are strumming your ukulele and drinking your beer up there. And now Chad the father of my heart. The man who raised my brother and I. A heart of gold, and even tho he was white, he was as Hawaiian as they come. 37 years old, motorcycle accident. The sharp knife of a short life..... I love you. I will see you all soon, weather it be in another life, or up there somewhere.

"Aloha a hui hou. Malama pono. Te Akua pu."

Love to you until we meet again. Preserve the righteousness. May God surround you.
With that I say this, love everyone who surrounds you. Open your heart and forgive those who have done you wrong. Because nothing they do to you can possibly be worse then loosing them to death before making amends. Say what needs to be said, let it all out, and forgive in your heart. Yesterday my entire world came crashing down upon me. At the end of the day I had to remember that I still have a life to live, I have no idea how long or short it may be, and neither does anyone around me. I need to make a point to tell everyone how much I cherish having them in my life, so that I never have to say, "its too late" again. 

To all my friends, family, loved ones, acquaintances, I appreciate you. Every single one of you, every person I have met in my life, every person reading this now, I appreciate you. That may sound ridiculous but at one point or another, no matter how big or how small, negative or positive, you have made some sort of impact on my life. If you were mean, weather you were honest or not, you made me want to be a better person. You either made me realize something about myself or you made me realize how important it is to be nice to people. To smile every day. My boss always says, "A smile can change someones entire day." Its true. When I get a genuine smile from a complete stranger my world lights up. Smiles can go for miles is what they say, pay it forward. If you smiled at me I appreciate you. If you were there for me in a time of need, if you were simply someone to talk to for no apparent reason, thank you. I appreciate you. 

From these experiences, from this complete sadness I am striving to keep my head above water. All I could think was "theres nothing I can do, theres nothing I can do" I have to be proactive instead of reactive. If I let myself drown in my complete and utter sense of loss I will not survive it. The only thing I can do now, is to truly live life to its full potential, to let everyone in, and out of my life know how much they mean to me, or used to mean to me. I need to stop thinking and obsessing about the fact that this feeling will be back someday. It is inevitable. I need to be a better person, I need to have a bigger heart and make sure it is filled with love and not hate, or resentment, or regret. I need to be held. Thank you husband for holding me and telling me it will all be alright. 

Two people have significantly come to mind when I began to think about all the wonderful people I have been blessed to know in my lifetime. Two people that at one point were key players, that despite our differences we laughed and lived and drank and cried and laughed some more. I am not sure how we three came to not speaking at all. I realize I am at fault for my actions and/or lack of forgiveness. I realize that I am who I am because we shared SO much time together in the past. The only two people that I am not in contact with anymore that need to know that I love them, that I love the times we shared together, that I would be extremely distraught, and heartbroken if I found out something happened to you when we are on terms like these. I have been wanting to reach out for awhile but I had too much pride to contact you first. I felt I was unwanted and uncared for. None of that matters now, because my point is, I want you to know that regardless of how I acted, or felt, or what you did or what I did in the past, I value your friendship, and I hope so much that you both live long, happy healthy lives. I have no hatred in my heart for either of you. And I hope that we can someday settle our differences because there is more to life then holding grudges and resentment within. Alexis and Roxi, I love you.
Alexis, if you're reading. There was a time when I felt you were the only person on the face of earth that understood me. We shared and we knew each others deepest secrets. You were there for me weather you wanted to be or not. We fought, man we fought like real siblings would sometimes. Harsh words that we knew neither of us meant. All of the above. You became a part of my life that was irreplaceable. I always looked up to you for your strength and ambition, you have a good heart and you are a very old and dear friend of mine. I am sorry that it took tragedy for me to say this to you, but I never want to say "its too late." You are loved.

Roxi, if you're reading. Throughout high school you were always the careful one. The one who mothered me in a way, I always made fun of you and rolled my eyes but I loved how much you looked after everyone around you. I remember you wrote on my shirt at all night grad, when I was hanging out with the wrong people "Please be careful, I love you sister -Rox" You were always there to help others around you. Head on straight, good grades, shit together, and a good person and friend. You were a bridesmaid in my wedding because I cherished the friendship we shared, I knew I could rely on you and my wedding day would not have been the same without you. I was mad for the wrong reasons, what happened in the past is completely irrelevant. I apologize for the things I said to you, and about you. That was ugly of me and I am taking full responsibility. I am sorry that it took tragedy for me to say this to you, but I never want to say "its too late." You are loved. 

It may be cowardice of me to say these words on here instead of in a message to you, however, I fear because of our current terms of communication these words would not be made possible. I fear I would not have the chance to say what I need to say to you. You know I would say them to you in person if I could, but I am across the country, and I will say them if/when I get the chance. I would hug each of you. At least this way, what I want to say has been said, and if you choose to listen, these words are here for you to read. Forever. Because it was never too late.
To those of you out there who were not as close to me, or were at one point in time a friend of mine, I forgive you, I appreciate our friendship we shared in one way or another. Reach out to me if you feel you want or need to and I will do the same. May you live a long, happy, healthy life. 
In my last blog, Ironically two days ago, I said that if someone isn't in your life, its for a reason. I take that back. I know you cant undo things that you have said but I can say I feel differently about life and those around me now. After not only loosing one person but the build up of loosing three people who had an impact on my life. The build up of emotions and sadness. I cannot keep up with maintaining these emotions if it just keeps happening. I begin to look around in fear and ask myself if I told this person and that person that I like it when they are around. That they make me smile. I would like to rephrase, If someone isn't in your life anymore, forgive them.

In a perfect world, earth would be much larger, we would have unlimited resources, everyone would recycle, and nobody would ever be lost. I never want to loose another person again. Unfortunately I have to deal with the fact that reality always prevails and at one time or another we will all be gone. Yesterday's problems will all be forgotten. And the memory of us will live on through those who have known us and shared our lives with us. 

Right now my heart feels torn, the cloud over my head is dark and weighing me down. This sadness is the most horrible feeling. But I know I will live, and I will carry on the memory of those who are no longer with us. We will meet again in another life.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
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Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Blog Therapy

10 things I want:
A long healthy happy life for all my loved ones.
To move to Washington
To pay off our bills
To attend the school of my dreams (since Ive already been accepted) The Art Institute of Seattle
Travel out of the country

To finish recording my album
The Rock Revival Jeans Ive been eyeballing at work
The new Sonicare toothbrush set.
Lasik eye surgery
A Remote Shutter 

10 things I have always wanted that I already have

A car that doesn't break down.
To go to college.
 A gorgeous wedding.
A loving husband.
A dog to complete our family.
A house of our very own.
A DSLR Canon Camera.
 Coach and Dooney purses.
A collection of instruments.

9 musicians/bands you love (in no order)

Kina Grannis
Jack Johnson
Izrael Kamakawiwo'ole
Colbie Callait

Bob Marley
Priscilla Ahn
Zac Brown Band
Jason Mraz

8 things you do everyday

Brush my teeth
Photograph Something
Kiss my husband

7 things you enjoy
Bubble Baths
Playing Guitar
Visual Art
sun on my skin

6 things that will always win your heart

Laughing Babies
The Illinois River

Nice people

5 favorites: movie, song, book, food, season

The Notebook
Claire De Lune
Where the Caged Bird Sings - Mya Angelo

4 smells of scents you enjoy

Kim Kardashian's Signature Scent perfume
The smell of a clean baby

My husband, clean or dirty :)
The smell of summer rain

3 places you want to go


2 favorite Vacations

Wedding/Honeymoon in Hawaii.
2 week vacay to Florida.

1 person you would marry on the spot
I totally had to edit this part because I copied and pasted this from another blog and forgot to change it :) but my real answer is,

I already married him :)
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Life. Love. Work. And Friendship.

Dear blog, I have been soooo insanely busy lately I can barely handle it!!! So many things going on with music, photography, work, life, and marriage these past couple months have been a whirlwind of life and love. 
I have to admit that I started cheating on you with tumblr. Its alot more modern and I have a ton of friends and fans that have been telling me to convert to it. I havent decided if I am making the change just yet. Does anyone else have tumblr? Likes or dislikes? Im on the fence :)

Anyway, lets start with music. holy HELL I have so much going on in the music world of my life. I won Battle of the Bands hosted by TZMR records here in Fayetteville NC on September 9th. TZMR is completely unorganized because they just started up their label 2 months ago. NOT exactly the most trustworthy or reliable bunch of people so I will not be booking any more shows under their watch. However my turnout for BOB was HUGE and amazing! thanks to anyone who came out if you are reading this it was a total blast! I have been getting contacted since my appearance there for multiple bookings which include PAID set time which is always a plus :) My pay usually goes towards equipment and/or musical accessories such as, guitar strings or my brand new Quarter Inch Cable made by Monster which is completely amazing and I highly recommend it. Other then that I am officially enrolled at the Art Institute of Seattle! My start date is unclear for the time being thanks to military life but I dont even care one bit as long as it happens!
OH and I am currently number 5 on in a competition to Open for the GOO GOO DOLLS! So if you are a voter or are just plain bored go check it out here
Photography life has been kind of slow because of everything else going on BUT I just ordered a new lens that I am soosososososo excited about! 50mm is exactly what I need! I am needing some models to pose for me while I take that baby on a test run so if you are in the area and are interested contact me :)  I have so much to learn and it is a work in progress but I seem to have TONS of support so that helps me when I am feeling uninspired.
Work: Buckle has been so wonderful! Of course there are good days and not so good days, as this is a job that requires alot of energy, smiling, decisions, and people. BUT for the most part I love my teammates and my boss. They rock! Its such a fun atmosphere to be in. Plus I lost 5 pounds since I started working there hah. Could be a combination of healthy eating also but none the less I feel healthier and happier! Perhaps the best part about it is being able to pay bills :) I love being able to not only pull my own weight but also buy things without consulting the hubby. Not that I always had to but I have my OWN money that I earned that I can use to buy HIM stuff for a change. Instead of buying him things with his own money! His birthday is on Halloween (mine is on cinco de mayo and our anniversary is new years day) haha I think its cool. I will be buying him this new part for his truck hes been wanting, an air intake system that increases horsepower by 10! which I would never be able to afford without my job yayyyyyy! Im going to get him 26 gifts shhh! Since he got me 20 on my 20 and 21 on my 21. He will be so surprised. One more awesome thing about working in a fashion forward store = learning fashion like the back of my hand and getting 40-60% off on clothes! Ahhh i love my closet :)
Marriage; has been significantly easier since I started working. Not that it was ever HARD persay, but we tend to bicker alot when we are together 24/7 like siblings haha. Now we get a chance to miss eachother, we have less stress about money because we have so much more to work with, and we drink less alcohol. I dont care who you are, alcohol = conflict in one way or another. Weather it is behavior, misunderstanding, or simply ruining a weekend with a hangover. Dont get me wrong, Im a party girl and always have been but Im not afraid to admit that tequila does not agree with me, or my temper haha!  Since we have cut down on partying so much we have noticed less bickering which is awesome! And less hangovers which is even more awesome. I also have been sticking to wine when I do drink rather then vodka. Its such a fun happy buzz, not to mention classy :)
Overall, I feel at the end of every day, good and bad, that I married my best friend. 

ALSO, short rant if I may: 

Quote of the year: "Question; if you are in an argument with your husband do you find it appropriate to facebook it"
"Answer; Fuck No"

haha AG I know you are reading this! Shout out to you for being awesome.
I feel it is so entirely immature and an invasion of personal privacy to post fighting with your significant other on facebook. wtf is wrong with people? What ever happened to "Marriage is a bond between two people?" Not "Marriage is a bond between two people and their entire face book friends list" LOL.... just saying.  Rant over.

I know I havent posted 365 at all in foreverrrrr but you can go here and see my photos if you may :) It is 1:50 am here and I cannot SLEEP for the life of me. That is the only reason I have time to blog...... I also have 3 weeks worth of 365 sitting on my camera that haven't been edited yet. Taking the picture is the easy part. Editing it is a whole new ball game since I am a perfectionist when it comes to my artistic ventures ugh.... 

So whats new bloggers :) I feel out of the loop I haven't been on here since I cant remember when!

One last thing that has been on my mind lately. I SUCK at loss. Weather it is loosing a loved one to a disagreement, growing apart, death, or life in general. I suck at it...... I feel like people kind of grow out of eachother. Some stay where they have always been, others mature and blossom out of the friendship or simply time tears people apart. I feel like friends arent friends anymore but at the same time they havent really been a friend after all. Then there are those who I like to call "Chameleons" They change their color depending on what environment they are in. Man those are the worst!

The definition of Friendship according to webster stands: 
"Friendship is the cooperative and supportive relationship between people, or animals. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, affection, and respect along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis"
Buzz words= supportive, cooperative, affection, respect, need, crisis. 
How many people can you HONESTLY say have fit that description in full? 
Thats what I ask myself. I can count on two hands people that will always be there for me no matter what happens. And if I turn back the clock, it has always been those same people. In the past, people who I called my best friend, never EVER truly fit that description. 

mom. dad. brother. grandma. grandpa. husband. Natalie. Vanessa. Kayleen.

None of those people do I consider Friends. I consider them Family. Weather they are blood or not, they are my family. Natalie and Vanessa are sisters to me, since the age of 11 we have off and on lived under the same roof, shared the same bed, or were just plain together all the time through thick and thin. Kayleen on the other hand is my very dear friend from college :) She was with me every day during Matthew's deployment. She knows my life story and understands me. She not only is a wonderful soul inside and out, she is down to earth, honest, real, sometimes bitchy which I love because then I dont feel guilty when I am bitchy :) overall she is one of the only people who I don't consider family that I could call at any hour, any day, and she would be there for me and vise versa. Although I have only known her since my freshman year in college. Quality has most definitely trumped quantity in this friendship.

Friendship is a funny thing because dont get me wrong, and if you are a close friend of mine reading this I dont want you to get your feelings hurt by me not mentioning your name. You know I love you near and dear However, life is busy, ever changing and at times chaotic. Friendship is high maintenance if you ask me and sometimes life just sweeps you away and the bond is not severed but almost put on a back burner. I am the type of friend that you can not speak to or hear from for 2 years but the moment we see each other or get a chance to catch up, I pick up right where we left off.

I guess I am just realizing that in this situation, loss can be a good thing. Because some of the "friends" that I have lost over the years ended up being more of a burden or bring-me-down then I even realized. Its true what they say, you dont know what you've got till its gone. In more then one perspective. In most cases you miss what you had. In some, you end up surprisingly NOT missing what you had at all. All you needed was a reason to leave the burden behind. When I think about those people I think about the good times we shared and the lessons I learned, good and bad, from them, their lifestyle, or their friendship. Bottom line, if someone isn't in your life anymore, its for a reason. I never wish harm against any of them or anyone for that matter. To me, that is insane and just plain wrong to wish horrible things on other people. What goes around comes around I say. Plus what does that say about your character that you wish bad things upon others? what is wrong with you? haha!

I have many friends who sit on the fence of acquaintance/friend, many people who simply make my life a better place :) but I have begun to truly appreciate and cherish those who fit the definition of friendship. Another lesson learned. And I am happy with that.

Honorable mentions to new and old friends who make my life happier = Brittany, Chelsea, Ashley G, Courtney, & Emily :) Thank you for being awesome.

I guess that's all for now folks :)
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Thursday, August 5, 2010

Im Alive i swear!


Woah, where to start?? Its been sooo long!! I have been so busy lately its insane, Im rarely home anymore it seems. Okay so, where was I?.... Florida! Yup it was AMAZING 2 week paid vacation compliments of the US Army! We are so lucky! He left for TDY and I was expecting him to be gone for 20 days :( which why I mentioned some unfortunate upcoming military dates, But since he had the weekends off I spent the first week at home alone (which I didnt blog about at all or put up on facebook for safety reasons) and then drove down to FL by myself to meet him. I was only expecting to drive straight to Orlando and then head home on monday but I met his team and they were like "Oh shes cool as hell man she can stay as long as she wants" so I found a sitter for Koa and stayed!  He only had to work about two hours every morning briefing some soon to be Green Berets, then he would come back to the hotel and be done for the rest of the day! We stayed in Jacksonville during the week and hit up Orlando and Tampa on the weekends, it was amazing and I would sooo love to live there. Surfing was so much funnn ahh Ive missed it. I forgot what a great workout it is too, the only downside is the surf rash that my husband and I both got pretty bad boo. But it was worth it! 
I have been working at The Buckle since the 26th, So far I absolutely LOVE it and everything about it! I am such a people person that working with guests comes naturally for me. We work off of commission and on my first day working on the Sales Floor I made about 11 bucks an hour and even more on the second day! Ahh Im loving it its so much fun, the people I work with are awesome, and not only that I have the opportunity to learn 2302938290 things about fashion. Ill post some secrets here soon. I have always loved fashion which made me think this job was perfect for me and low and behold I was right! I just found out today that Justin Timberlake and Jay-Z among other celebs wear our denim. I thought that was so cool haha!

 Basically Life has been extremely busy, Im working 5 days this week, 5-7 hour shifts, my only days off are today and Sunday both of which will be used to grocery shop/ clean / work on the yard and all the things I have been neglecting because of work. I have to say, The longest I have ever gone without a job since I was 13 has been this past year, mostly because I wanted to spend every waking moment with my wonderful hubby who got home from war last July, I have been lucky enough to have him for a full year whoop! There was really no time to get a job on account of planning my dream wedding and having it in Hawaii plus taking a huge chunk of leave to fly to Oregon for Christmas and half of January, Then we bought this house in Feb, Spent alot of time painting/decorating and settling in, then we got our baby Koa, We contemplated starting a family then stopped to take a look around at everyone we know who has children that wish they waited. We were planning on getting prego shortly after marriage but we changed our minds :) Everyone always says "I want to be young with my children" Why dont they say "I want to be young with my husband/wife?" Thats the conclusion we came to and we have been having so much fun enjoying eachother. Then we had our trip to Cali and my Birthday, as well as 2 vacations at the beach not counting Florida so its been a busy year to say the least. Full of fun! I finally decided that I couldn't not work anymore because I feel like I have to pull some weight around here more than just being a housewife, it got boring to say the least haha. So I talked my husband into "Letting" me get a job, hes a mans man who loves to support his loved ones and he feels I dont need a job but likes that I am not lazy and like to work. Anyway getting back to work feels so good! I love that I can help out financially too because within six months we bought our 2010 truck, Got married (in hawaii) , and Bought a house so were still catching up on bills. I was afraid that I would want to buy everything at Buckle (which I do) But Matthew assigned me the cell phone bill and then I get the rest for me! :) However, my first paycheck will be going towards his 2 Year anniversary gift! shhh! haha. If I start full time on a regular basis, then he will assign me another bill haha hes so cute. The good news is, my boss told me yesterday that when I hit my 30 day mark I will already be eligible for promotion because Im Rockin! She told me on Saturday that when they interviewed me they also interviewed 50 people and Chose me! I feel special :) K enough about that, back to 365.

Where Dreams Come True.

Day Fifty Nine. Friday July 9th.

Today I drove 7hours to meet my husband in Jacksonville FL, he took over and we drove 3 more to Orlando where we stayed at Walt Disney World Resort! It was simply amazing. RIP Walt Disney, you truly changed the world in a magical way. This was taken at Magic Kingdom.
We stayed at the "Shades of Green Resort" Only for military personnel, half the price of any other Disney Resort! Tickets are half price and everything is tax free :) And it was incredible! 
Here are more pictures of Friday July 9th.
The view from our room! 

I like this:)
Worlds largest guitar.

 Best firework show in the US! I was really excited haha.

Thee Castle. 

Animal Kingdom

Day Sixty. Saturday July 10th.

Today we went to Disney World's Animal kingdom and it was AMAZING!! They have such a great animal reserve there. I am against Zoo's completely but Animal reserves are a wonderful happy place for endangered and rare non-native animals can live comfortable lives. This picture was taken on the Safari!
This is what I woke up to saturday morning :) 
Mount Everest haha.

The Lion King show which was so amazing I almost cried lol Lion King is my all time fave disney movie. 


Yummy food we ate in "Asia" 

This is beautiful. 

Jelly Fish

Day Sixty one. Sunday July 11th.

Today we went to Disney world's Epcot Center where they have an aquarium and alot of futuristic rides. Jelly fish have always amazed me because they dont have any organs or a brain. They are purely a nervous system. Thats IT! I got stung by one when I was a little girl while I was surfing, it temporarily paralyzed my leg but the lifegaurd fixed me up and I had a cool story afterwards :)


Thee Yummiest, Healthiest, Italian food. So Fresh and so legit! Everyone in this restaruant is from somewhere in Italy, and speaks Italian fluently, it was the nicest place I have ever eaten and so delicious! 


Us :)

Ginormous Lollipops we got for our neighbor's kids for helping watch Koa :) 

 Dooney Bag

Day Sixty Two. Monday July 12th.

Today we slept for most of the day, recovering from disney world. My feet are blistered from walking all over all 4 of disney world's amusement parks! But it was so worth it. We got up in the late afternoon and went exploring at the outlet malls. We went to COACH and my husband said "You already have two of these ugly things lets get out of here" haha so we went to Dooney and Bourke and he picked me out a purse and wallet. Hes amazing! And has such great taste! lol. DB has such better quality purses than coach does. And I love the smell of the leather. ♥
Surfin USA

Day Sixty Three. Tuesday July 13th.

Today we surfed allllll day! We got a little burnt but we went and rented some longboards and had a great time. I took a break to take some pictures (of course) but I am SO sore. Unfortunately they pulled an elderly man out of the water today and he didnt make it :( may he rest in peace.

More pics from the beach, 

Canon Ad.
 Reflection beach
 All mine
This little girl was so cute, she wanted me to take a picture of her shells :) 
 I belong at the beach.

Red Eyed Tree Frog

Day Sixty Four. Wednesday July 14th

Today it was stormy out, too stormy to go surfing so we hung out in our hotel and watched movies. It was pouring rain outside and there was a patch of rainforest behind our hotel so it brought out all the frogs. This little guy was hanging out on the hotel's back door. Hes so cute!

Day Sixty Five. Thursday July 15th.

Today we surfed all day. Were addicted. Jax beach is a beautiful place.

Day Sixty Six. Friday July 16th.

Today we met up with some of Matthew's co-worker army guys and surfed. Since I grew up in Hawaii I Know a thing or two about surfing, It was fun being this tiny girl teaching these big tough special forces guys some basics haha.  The waves were perfect! I cheated a little on this one because I was so occupied with surfing that I didnt take any pics, but this was taken the day before at the same beach. I like fences :) Oh and we had THEE WORST surf-rash afterwards ouch!

Day Sixty Seven. Saturday July 17th.

Today we are sunburnt and we both have a pretty bad Surf-rash :( So we decided to stay out of the sun, window shop at the mall, and watch movies.
Tampa Florida.

Day Sixty Eight. Sunday July 18th.

Today we drove down to Tampa, we got there in the late afternoon so we decided to go explore the town. We found an AWESOME place called channelside just off of Tampa Bay where we found a super NICE bowling alley/dance club/restaurant/bar where a ton of famous people like Jordan Sparks, Eva Longoria, N*sync haha, Martina McBride etc. It was so much fun! That drink was big enough to fit 4.5 regular drinks in it. The first game we played I beat Matthew by ONE point hah our score was 105 to 106!
Loved this booth

 Whoop! victory is mine! 

This is thee coolest movie theater ever! We saw Inception at IMAX! Amazing. 

Messy hair :)

One of my favorite nights out of our vacation. So fun! I love you Tampa!! :)
Moving on......

Busch Gardens.

Day Sixty Nine. Monday July 19th.

Today we went to Busch Gardens and had a blast! We rode all the big roller coasters including Sheikra which had a 90 degree 200 foot drop! So much fun, we rode that one a couple times. I took this picture as we were leaving the park because I couldnt carry my camera with me on account of the roller coasters and there are a few rides that we got soaked on.

Day Seventy. Tuesday July 20th.

We are exausted from Busch Gardens, we are totally theme-parked-out after going to Disney World and conquering all 4 of the theme parks they have there and then going to Busch making that 5 theme parks in 2 weeks! We chilled out in our hotel, had some drinks together, and watched Bounty Hunter and Cop Out both really funny. We took a trip to a Liquor store that is literally like a Mall for alcohol because they have everything you could imagine and more, and its HUGE so I had to take my camera, I like this label I just think its cool :)
Home again Home again jiggity jig.

Day Sevety One. Wednesday July 21st.

Today we drove out of Florida, through Georgia, through South Carolinaand all the way home. It is so good to be home we missed our baby koa. Hes getting so big. Home sweet home. We didn't unpack anything and we just relaxed. I ended up going to brittany's house to spend the night and see the baby :)

Day Seventy Two. Thursday July 22nd.

Today I spent the day hanging out with Brittany & her two sisters and the kids. Newborns are so precious and innocent I love it!
Mission Accomplished.

Day Seventy Three. Friday July 23rd.

Today Matthew had the day off but we had to go to post to a Special Forces Family Event and listen to the Commander speak. After that I went into work to fill out some paperwork to become an Official Buckle Employee :) I got home and made my husband a bet, mowed the entire lawn by myself! It took me 2.5 hours but it was a damn good workout and I proved my husband wrong and he had to put away 10 loads of laundry, mop the floors, scrub the house, shampoo the carpets, and cook dinner. We are very competitive around here haha.
 I have yet to edit this past weeks photos as far as 365 goes. Those will be up the next time I get a chance to blog again, who knows when that will be! Ive been working my tush off at work and this weekend will be soooo busy! No tax weekend here in NC where everyone gets to purchase clothes tax free! Since tax is nine percent here, that means at Buckle where Military gets 10% off they will get 19% off this weekend. And employees, well we will get 49% off! Big deals! ahah. 

Mini Update on Koa, He is a whopping 62 pounds at 8 months old, his muscle mass is clearly defined and he has become more protective but even better with kids! The perfect dog. People definately dont mess with him thats for sure! Funny story, My husband was out working in the Garage when Koa started wandering down the street towards a family of people because he wanted to play basketball with the kids haha, The father of the family jumped ON TO his car, meanwhile leaving this wife and three kids including a 2 year-old to get mauled (so to speak) by a dog HAHAHAHAHA It was hilarious, Of course Koa would never harm anyone that wasnt trying to harm me, but it was just too funny! 

Thats all for now, Im thinking of having a freebie soon, But my goal is to win one before I start one :) I realllyyy want to win one! haha. 

KBye :)