Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Life. Love. Work. And Friendship.

Dear blog, I have been soooo insanely busy lately I can barely handle it!!! So many things going on with music, photography, work, life, and marriage these past couple months have been a whirlwind of life and love. 
I have to admit that I started cheating on you with tumblr. Its alot more modern and I have a ton of friends and fans that have been telling me to convert to it. I havent decided if I am making the change just yet. Does anyone else have tumblr? Likes or dislikes? Im on the fence :)

Anyway, lets start with music. holy HELL I have so much going on in the music world of my life. I won Battle of the Bands hosted by TZMR records here in Fayetteville NC on September 9th. TZMR is completely unorganized because they just started up their label 2 months ago. NOT exactly the most trustworthy or reliable bunch of people so I will not be booking any more shows under their watch. However my turnout for BOB was HUGE and amazing! thanks to anyone who came out if you are reading this it was a total blast! I have been getting contacted since my appearance there for multiple bookings which include PAID set time which is always a plus :) My pay usually goes towards equipment and/or musical accessories such as, guitar strings or my brand new Quarter Inch Cable made by Monster which is completely amazing and I highly recommend it. Other then that I am officially enrolled at the Art Institute of Seattle! My start date is unclear for the time being thanks to military life but I dont even care one bit as long as it happens!
OH and I am currently number 5 on ourstage.com in a competition to Open for the GOO GOO DOLLS! So if you are a voter or are just plain bored go check it out here
Photography life has been kind of slow because of everything else going on BUT I just ordered a new lens that I am soosososososo excited about! 50mm is exactly what I need! I am needing some models to pose for me while I take that baby on a test run so if you are in the area and are interested contact me :)  I have so much to learn and it is a work in progress but I seem to have TONS of support so that helps me when I am feeling uninspired.
Work: Buckle has been so wonderful! Of course there are good days and not so good days, as this is a job that requires alot of energy, smiling, decisions, and people. BUT for the most part I love my teammates and my boss. They rock! Its such a fun atmosphere to be in. Plus I lost 5 pounds since I started working there hah. Could be a combination of healthy eating also but none the less I feel healthier and happier! Perhaps the best part about it is being able to pay bills :) I love being able to not only pull my own weight but also buy things without consulting the hubby. Not that I always had to but I have my OWN money that I earned that I can use to buy HIM stuff for a change. Instead of buying him things with his own money! His birthday is on Halloween (mine is on cinco de mayo and our anniversary is new years day) haha I think its cool. I will be buying him this new part for his truck hes been wanting, an air intake system that increases horsepower by 10! which I would never be able to afford without my job yayyyyyy! Im going to get him 26 gifts shhh! Since he got me 20 on my 20 and 21 on my 21. He will be so surprised. One more awesome thing about working in a fashion forward store = learning fashion like the back of my hand and getting 40-60% off on clothes! Ahhh i love my closet :)
Marriage; has been significantly easier since I started working. Not that it was ever HARD persay, but we tend to bicker alot when we are together 24/7 like siblings haha. Now we get a chance to miss eachother, we have less stress about money because we have so much more to work with, and we drink less alcohol. I dont care who you are, alcohol = conflict in one way or another. Weather it is behavior, misunderstanding, or simply ruining a weekend with a hangover. Dont get me wrong, Im a party girl and always have been but Im not afraid to admit that tequila does not agree with me, or my temper haha!  Since we have cut down on partying so much we have noticed less bickering which is awesome! And less hangovers which is even more awesome. I also have been sticking to wine when I do drink rather then vodka. Its such a fun happy buzz, not to mention classy :)
Overall, I feel at the end of every day, good and bad, that I married my best friend. 

ALSO, short rant if I may: 

Quote of the year: "Question; if you are in an argument with your husband do you find it appropriate to facebook it"
"Answer; Fuck No"

haha AG I know you are reading this! Shout out to you for being awesome.
I feel it is so entirely immature and an invasion of personal privacy to post fighting with your significant other on facebook. wtf is wrong with people? What ever happened to "Marriage is a bond between two people?" Not "Marriage is a bond between two people and their entire face book friends list" LOL.... just saying.  Rant over.

I know I havent posted 365 at all in foreverrrrr but you can go here and see my photos if you may :) It is 1:50 am here and I cannot SLEEP for the life of me. That is the only reason I have time to blog...... I also have 3 weeks worth of 365 sitting on my camera that haven't been edited yet. Taking the picture is the easy part. Editing it is a whole new ball game since I am a perfectionist when it comes to my artistic ventures ugh.... 

So whats new bloggers :) I feel out of the loop I haven't been on here since I cant remember when!

One last thing that has been on my mind lately. I SUCK at loss. Weather it is loosing a loved one to a disagreement, growing apart, death, or life in general. I suck at it...... I feel like people kind of grow out of eachother. Some stay where they have always been, others mature and blossom out of the friendship or simply time tears people apart. I feel like friends arent friends anymore but at the same time they havent really been a friend after all. Then there are those who I like to call "Chameleons" They change their color depending on what environment they are in. Man those are the worst!

The definition of Friendship according to webster stands: 
"Friendship is the cooperative and supportive relationship between people, or animals. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, affection, and respect along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis"
Buzz words= supportive, cooperative, affection, respect, need, crisis. 
How many people can you HONESTLY say have fit that description in full? 
Thats what I ask myself. I can count on two hands people that will always be there for me no matter what happens. And if I turn back the clock, it has always been those same people. In the past, people who I called my best friend, never EVER truly fit that description. 

mom. dad. brother. grandma. grandpa. husband. Natalie. Vanessa. Kayleen.

None of those people do I consider Friends. I consider them Family. Weather they are blood or not, they are my family. Natalie and Vanessa are sisters to me, since the age of 11 we have off and on lived under the same roof, shared the same bed, or were just plain together all the time through thick and thin. Kayleen on the other hand is my very dear friend from college :) She was with me every day during Matthew's deployment. She knows my life story and understands me. She not only is a wonderful soul inside and out, she is down to earth, honest, real, sometimes bitchy which I love because then I dont feel guilty when I am bitchy :) overall she is one of the only people who I don't consider family that I could call at any hour, any day, and she would be there for me and vise versa. Although I have only known her since my freshman year in college. Quality has most definitely trumped quantity in this friendship.

Friendship is a funny thing because dont get me wrong, and if you are a close friend of mine reading this I dont want you to get your feelings hurt by me not mentioning your name. You know I love you near and dear However, life is busy, ever changing and at times chaotic. Friendship is high maintenance if you ask me and sometimes life just sweeps you away and the bond is not severed but almost put on a back burner. I am the type of friend that you can not speak to or hear from for 2 years but the moment we see each other or get a chance to catch up, I pick up right where we left off.

I guess I am just realizing that in this situation, loss can be a good thing. Because some of the "friends" that I have lost over the years ended up being more of a burden or bring-me-down then I even realized. Its true what they say, you dont know what you've got till its gone. In more then one perspective. In most cases you miss what you had. In some, you end up surprisingly NOT missing what you had at all. All you needed was a reason to leave the burden behind. When I think about those people I think about the good times we shared and the lessons I learned, good and bad, from them, their lifestyle, or their friendship. Bottom line, if someone isn't in your life anymore, its for a reason. I never wish harm against any of them or anyone for that matter. To me, that is insane and just plain wrong to wish horrible things on other people. What goes around comes around I say. Plus what does that say about your character that you wish bad things upon others? what is wrong with you? haha!

I have many friends who sit on the fence of acquaintance/friend, many people who simply make my life a better place :) but I have begun to truly appreciate and cherish those who fit the definition of friendship. Another lesson learned. And I am happy with that.

Honorable mentions to new and old friends who make my life happier = Brittany, Chelsea, Ashley G, Courtney, & Emily :) Thank you for being awesome.

I guess that's all for now folks :)
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